Thursday, February 25, 2010

Beauty Queen Makes god Vomit

     Earlier this week, Towleroad reported that another California beauty queen, Miss Beverly Hills 2010 Lauren Ashley, not only quoted the Christian bible to justify discrimination against same sex couples, but also browbeat sinners, like homosexuals, with threats of death.  Ms. Ashley preached the following line to FOX News:
      "The Bible says that marriage is between a man and a woman. In Leviticus it says, 'If man lies with mankind as he would lie with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death and their blood shall be upon them.' The Bible is pretty black and white.  I feel like God [sic] himself created mankind and he loves everyone, and he has the best for everyone. If he says that having sex with someone of your same gender is going to bring death upon you, that's a pretty stern warning, and he knows more than we do about life.'"
     Well, guess what else is black and white, Ms. Ashley?  The print of the Los Angeles Times that caught you in a lie:
    In a statement Wednesday, the city [Beverly Hills] said it was shocked by Ashley's description of herself as "Miss Beverly Hills." The city "does not sponsor a beauty pageant and has no association with Miss California USA," the statement said. "As such, there should be no individual claiming the title of Miss Beverly Hills."
    The city's statement said Ashley lives in Pasadena and "does not represent Beverly Hills in any capacity."
    "We are dismayed by any potential association with the city of Beverly Hills, which has a long history of tolerance and respect," Mayor Nancy Krasne said.
     It seems that good Christian Lauren doesn't even know her Ten Commandments.  Hell!  Even most heretics know that her god forbids bearing false witness in his name, since we are forced to read these commandments every time we enter into some of our public-funded government buildings.  Most people also know that homosexuality isn't even mentioned in the Ten Commandments, but adultery is.  Of course, we don't hear good Christians like Ms. Faux-Beverly Hills calling for constitutional amendments to outlaw adultery in the name of preserving the sanctity of marriage and doing what their god commands.

     She also doesn't know her New Testament, for Revelation 21:8 states: "All liars, their part `shall be' in the lake that burneth with fire and brimstone."  It's comforting to know that Carrie Prejean will have company at her topless lakeside photo-shoot in hell.

     Here are just a few of the passages in Leviticus that Ms. "Does Not Represent Beverly Hills In Any Capacity" should also pay attention to, for there's a good chance her male god  might be tapping her with the death-stick.

Liar, liar, pants on fire!  
     Leviticus 19:11-12.  "You shall not lie or speak falsely to one another.  You shall not swear falsely by my name, thus profaning the name of your God."

Got red meat?  
     Leviticus 17:14.  "You shall not partake of the blood of any meat.  Since the life of every living body is its blood, anyone who partakes of it shall be cut off."
     Leviticus 19:26.  "Do not eat meat with the blood still in it."

Begging for it when she's not-so-fresh.
      Leviticus 18:19.  "You shall not approach a woman to have intercourse with her while she is unclean from menstruation."
     Leviticus 20:18.  "If a man lies in sexual intercourse with a woman during her menstrual period, both of them shall be cut off from their people, because they have laid bare the flowing fountain of her blood."

On mixing and matching.
     Leviticus 19:19.  "Do not breed any of your domestic animals with others of a different species; do not sow a field of yours with two different kinds of seed; and do not put on a garment woven with two different kinds of thread."

Are your bananas circumcised?
     Leviticus 19:23-25.  "When you come into the land and plant any fruit tree there, first look upon its fruit as if it were uncircumcised.  For three years, while its fruit remains uncircumcised, it may not be eaten.  In the fourth year, however, all of its fruit shall be sacred to the Lord as a thanksgiving feast to him.  Not until the fifth year may you eat its fruit."

Having sex with a slave girl is morally better than sex with a freed or redeemed slave...what?
     Leviticus 19:20.  "If a man has carnal relations with a female slave who has already been living with another man but has not yet been redeemed or given her freedom, they shall be punished but not put to death, because she is not free."

Equal rights for illegal aliens.  Yey!
     Leviticus 19:33-34.  "When an alien resides with you in your land, do not molest him.  You shall treat the alien who resides with you no differently than the natives born among you; have the same love for him as for yourself; for you too were once aliens in a foreign land."

Kill back-talking children...now that's a time out!
     Leviticus 20:9.  "Anyone who curses his father or mother shall be put to death."

Kill the mountain men and farm boys, and their willing cows, too.
     Leviticus 20:15.  "If a man has carnal relations with an animal, the man shall be put to death, and the animal shall be slain."

No donkey shows!  Sorry. Tijuana.
     Leviticus 20:16.  "If a woman goes up to any animal to mate with it, the woman and the animal shall be slain; let them both be put to death."

Tattoo, Taboo
     Leviticus 19:28.  "Do not tattoo yourselves."


Do it ALL, or else.
     Leviticus 20:22.  "Be careful to observe all my statutes and all my decrees; otherwise the land where I am bringing you to dwell will vomit you out."