Monday, November 2, 2009

I Hate the College of Bishops


     Your attention please!

     Everyone gather around. There’s a life altering announcement to be made, something that will change the way you view the modern world, tear it apart, and mend it back together again in a way that will make you holy and save humanity from the intrinsic evils of original sin.

     The men in dresses, who brought you genocide throughout history, marriage-counseling by promised celibates whose rods have never fished for seafood, the ostrich method of embracing scientific research and combating HIV, collusion and passivity in the face of recent genocide, the holocaust, and murders of the sexually marginalized, and, intinction-in-an-altar-boy, now bring you the ultimate pastoral letter that will save the institution of marriage from the fires of Sodom for all eternity: Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan. (As if any fallen victim of original sin could understand the divine mind and plan. That is, if there is a deity that suffers from multiple personality disorder—old man, young man, bird—watching over us from the clouds.)

     The National Catholic Reporter reports:
    [The pastoral letter] asserts that the church throughout history has taught that marriage ‘is an exclusive relationship between one man and one woman;’ that its dual purpose, the union of individuals and the conception of children, are inseparable; and that each sexual act must be open to the possibility of children. The paper condemns artificial birth control, same-sex marriage, cohabitation and divorce as challenges ‘directed to the very meaning and purposes of marriage.’
     When the United States Catholic Conference of Bishops (USCCB) meets at the humble and very Mormon Baltimore Marriott Waterfront Hotel later this month, they will vote on Marriage: Love and Live in the Divine Plan. I, for one, hope it passes.

     My dear friend, Father Geoff Farrow sums up the USCCB’s move:

    They [the bishops] know that even the majority of Catholics will universally ignore their statements on artificial birth control, cohabitation and divorce, however, their statement on same sex marriage will move to center stage.
     Farrow concludes that the USCCB is attempting to bring the same sex marriage debate to center stage in order to move the sexual abuse crisis to the back burner.  I don't want people to forget about the sexual abuse crisis, but I do want the pastoral letter to pass.

     It’s a great gift to the LGBT community that the bishops have included same sex marriage in this list of "evils." Most Catholics don't give the church's condemnation of cohabitation, divorce, and artificial contraception any moral weight, and by including same sex marriage in this list, the bishops have equated these four issues. In a way, they've signed their own authoritative death sentence. Now Catholics who cohabitate, use contraception, and/or divorce are on the same level with same sex couples. We’re all gay!

     By passing the pastoral letter, the USCCB will give the gay civil rights movement the firepower it needs to become allies with these other sexually "deviant" groups within the Catholic church. The bishops will undermine their own authority, once again.  But, that's status quo for a bunch of closeted, Roman-trained, perch-preaching, interior-turned hypocrites.

     Postscript: In June, Pope Ben declared June 2009 through June 2010 the“The Year for Priests.” Parents, if you haven't already, buy your sons and daughters chastity belts today!


Image Credits:
"Pope Ben in a Rubber" by Peter Brookes, Times Online
"Priests: Hide Your Children" by MotivatedPhotos.com