Sunday, November 8, 2009

Confession #5


     Forgive me, Father Hate, for I have sinned.  It's been three weeks since my last...  Screw this!  I'm done with this confession bullshit.

     ...

     In fact, I'm done with this confessional and this church.  Just being here is wrong.  I mean, you all gave money to take away my rights in Maine and California.

     ...

     But Fr. Hate, you tithe, right?

     ...

     Okay.  So, your money goes to the parish and then the parish tithes to the diocese, which gives money to the U.S. Catholic Conference, which gave money to the campaign that took away my rights.  Why didn't you preach against this?  You could have done something.

     ...


     Well, obedience sucks, Father.  And, that's why I'm done.  Just putting my butt in this confessional plays into the church's system of control, fear, and hate that I no longer want to be a part of.

     ...

     No!  I'm not mad at you.  Well, yes, I am.  I'm mad at all of you Catholics right now.  Even those of you who support my rights, but still sit in the pews every Sunday.  You need to speak up.  You need to stand up to these cowardly bishops that preach hate and fear, not love.  I just want to explode.  I can't believe that I gave so much of my life to this institution, that I tried to fit into your idea of what holiness was.  But you know what?  The church going after gays' rights is not holy.  It's malicious. 

     ...

     I'm glad you agree.  But, I'm still angry.  I haven't been sleeping.  I nearly threw up from the stress.  When will the next shoe fall?  Which rights will they strip from us next?  I fucking hate this!  I may have to extend my forty day hate retreat.

     ...

     Thursday is day forty.  Then I'm done.

     ...

     Yeah, it was working pretty well.  I was finding myself really letting things go after naming it and getting it out of my system each day, but after the elections this week, what the church in Maine, all the cleansing is gone...wait a minute.  You're getting me to talk about this.  No.  I'm done. Goodbye.

     ...

     Well, there are consequences to the church's actions and this is one of them.  And I'm so angry right now that I could break that crucifix over your head.  It's best that I leave.

     ...


     Sure.  I'm still open to giving you spiritual direction during your gay discernment.  Meet me at the Abbey next Sunday in West Hollywood.  We can talk about your "formation" issues then.   

     ...

     Goodbye, Fr. Hate.  Oh, and don't wear your collar to the Abbey next week, that is, unless you're looking to get laid.

3 comments:

oddleft said...

:(
I'm so angry along with you. I'm sorry you gave so much to this institution, but now you are a strong voice against it and I know you will make a difference.

Gazelle said...

Politics and religion can be very discouraging...where did you get the Happy or Homosexual? poster? Get Your Gay Test Today! Funny, but disturbing. I say that often, I find.

Danielle said...

I was raised Catholic but couldn't stand the way people didn't stand up and speak even if they didn't believe in what was being said. That's why I had to stop going to church (don't tell my grandmother).

The Abbey is awesome. I <3 their huge martinis with the yummy fruit.

Oh, and wonderful post. Very moving. You made me cry a little. In a good way.